Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mama's Collard Greens and Cornbread

It's been a while but thanks for wanting more!
I haven't been writing because I’ve been going through some bouts of writers block, depression, anxiety, PAIN! THE PAIN! It's like childbirth and all I got to show for it is this baby weight!
But I’ve come out of it like I always do and I’m sorry I’ve been un-bloggy but I can't lie to you little sparkle faces.
I've just been existential, living purely in my ego and let me tell ya, being self-obsessed is exhausting work! Its bad enough I have to eat caviar right out of the can and have servants that give me back talk...its like living like an animal! But seriously, don't you ever get like that and say to yourself "I’ve become the type of person I hate most in the world? Fucking narcissist! I’m a fucking statistic!" Another performer with addictive personality disorder who hates herself and talks about herself and is a complete dick. Enough I say! ENOUGH! There's a whole world out there, sheesh calm down bitch! 
But its weird in my bubble of self loathing and my depressing click of gossipy smug faced gay friends (I don’t mean you, love you baby!) I still have managed to be busy doing shows and rehearsing this AWSOME play which I can't wait for you to see. I play this chick named Phyllis from long island. She's a trampy ex homecoming queen who is completely psycho(type cast). 
No sex here either. Which is good! Been coming to terms with my weight and my body (I know, can you believe it!?) and feeling pretty again and getting horn honks and googly eyes from the mens's. In the words of Fantasia Barino I got that "wobble wobble, shaped just like a cola bottle" and it’s good! I'm eating for hunger and less out of addiction to gravy. I have to celebrate my body cause I only have one and its jiggly and soft but it is what it is, and honestly who gives a shit! Being skinny is not going to make me happy, loving myself will make me happy...and maybe a little morphine. But with this new found confidence comes attracting men again. Ex's have been coming out of the woodwork, I’ve been getting approached, but dudes just wanna fuck! I've done the slut thing, its fun, I have no regrets but I’m over it. But sometimes I think I have it coming because I’m super aggressive with guys which could be translated to some as a cock tease. But just because I may occasionally "bite my lower lip" or "arch my back" when I talk to you, does not mean I’m not wifey! I can't help it (pout/blink blink/giggle giggle!)  I'm not interested in a mediocre bone that’s only going to happen once or twice. watta snooze. I want to be number one! Number one to my dude and number one to the audience and number one to me! I’m starting to sound like a Mary J. Blige song! "THIS TIME ITS FO' ME LAWD JESUS GIMME MO' BABY LOVE DONTCHA KNOW I'M DOIN ME THIS TIME BABY!" I should make an album! I've got this inner black girl thing going on today what the hell!? whatever I’m goin wit it, shooot.
So that's where I’m at...coming out of the darkness of thinking about myself, while talking about myself endlessly for a living, and suddenly un-earthing my inner r&b singer! Love it! 

oh and watch my sex tape!