Monday, April 26, 2010

Jews and News

Weigh in day week 3: I lost 1 pound. Alright alright this is ok. Harriet you are not bulimic superwoman. You are an independent woman who makes a living, you try your hardest, its tough out there, you’re a good friend to those around you.... you’re a snappy've got your health.... (???)
I was really hoping to lose like 2 or 3 BUT lets be real here. Last night was my dad's big night of being honored by the community of Fort Lee New Jersey for being Jew of the year or something (I don’t know I wasn’t really paying attention.) These affairs always have beautiful smorgies during the cocktail hour and then the catered kosher dinner is always shmeh. The fish is too fishy, the chicken is a little dry, there’s a draft blowing on me, my kingdom for a gasex, oy dahling, such a thing, you look so beauteeful (did you see the size of her? poor thing really beefed up. her pupik sticks out past her bubles, she should only find a husband, god willing poo poo poo.) Well, in between telling people I’m "dating but no one special" and "WHAT? You had work done? I would never know you just look well rested!" and "no, Mrs. Cohen I’m not gonna do my act right here, but come to a show anytime!" the smorgasbord was fabulous and I sampled a little bit of everything but I was good! I loaded up on the grilled vegetables, I had like maybe 2 tablespoons of pasta I went a little nuts at the caviar station but please how many points could it possibly be? It's litterally a sturgeon abortion on a cracker.  Then the dinner that I expected to be disgusting was unexpectedly delicious (it's not my fault! I was full but what was I to do?) And I ate the whole thing, which wasn’t that bad points wise. I had 3 chocolate covered strawberries and a bite of apple crisp and a bite of dairy free kosher ice cream weirdness. I think over all I was ok but abortions are salty so I think I'm retaining water. Let's just say that cause it’ll make me feel better.
My goal for the week should I chose to accept it...I have to fucking get myself back to the gym. I mean enough is enough let’s face the music here! After my traumatizing experience at the spinning class I never went back. I HATE cardio! I have enough horrible things that I have to do in my life that I don’t like why add one more? People always say "I feel so good after omg!" Fuck you! I feel like shit after! But, I don’t think there is a way of getting around this. I have to start going to the gym. Like daily. I guess that membership I got will finally come in handy. Ok here is the challenge I am going to work out 4 days this week and if I lose more than one pound by next Monday I will continue to work out every week. Sound fair? UGH! I DONT WANNA!